Warcraft III: The Antarctic Toilet
by Agent Smith
Summary: If death couldn't stop him.... Could a parody? Antarctic Toilet, the fanfiction for the Game of the Year.
1. Terror of the Warm Yellow Public Pool

Warcraft III: The Antarctic Toilet  
  
By Agent Smith  
  
---  
  
Illidan stood at the edge of a ocean cliff on a stormy night, whining about how he was betrayed and spouting some crap about the hand of fate.  
  
Illidan: Betrayer... In truth, it was I who was betrayed!  
  
*Flashback*  
  
Illidan: Hahahaha! I destroyed the Skull of Gul'dan, and now I'm all powerful like I wanted to be!  
  
Furion: Fool! You're corrupted by the demonic powers! I hereby banish you from the forest!  
  
Illidan: Excuse me, but I can banish MYSELF, thank you very much!  
  
Illidan then grabs himself and acts like he was being forced out of the forest. Then he tosses himself onto the ground outside Felwood.  
  
Illidan: Ahem, I do believe I had a hat.  
  
Tyrande throws him a random hat.  
  
Illidan: *Steals it* Suckeeeers! *runs off*  
  
*flashback ends*  
  
Illidan: Now they will pay for their crimes against me!   
  
Illidan starts waving his hands around, causing a storm in the ocean.  
  
Deep in the depths, a strange aquatic creature suddenly opens its snake-like eye.  
  
Aquatic Creature: Ahahaahha! I have been awakened to perform evil duties for- ACK  
  
*Gets eaten by a bigger aquatic creature*  
  
The Naga rise from the depths, and sliver up to Illidan.  
  
Lady Vashj: Master Illidan, the Naga are now at your command.  
  
Illidan: Muahahaha, excellent. Now, rub my feet.  
  
Lady Vashj: But you have hooves...  
  
Illidan: RUB! Or I'll smite you!  
  
Lady Vashj: Um... No.  
  
Illidan lunges toward her, but forgot his blind man's cane and falls off the cliff.  
  
---  
  
Meanwhile, in the middle of Ashenvale forest, a night elf with a robe and a helmet is throwing darts at a dartboard, containing a picture of Illidan.  
  
Maiev: Grr! Some day I'll capture you, Illidan. And when I do, and you're chained up all alone in that dark cell.... I'll... Stroke your sexy body... And tie you to your cell bars... And dominate you all NIGHT... Or DAY since we are nocturnal and everything is reversed I guess.  
  
Maiev suddenly slapped herself.  
  
Maiev: No! Must get evil thoughts out! *sets fire to some Illidan plush toys* Ahahaha! Much better.  
  
Naisha suddenly barges in... to the forest.  
  
Naisha: Maiev! Illidan is causing a ruckess near the shore! We have to stop him!  
  
Maiev: Then lets go... My huntress palette-swapped friend!  
  
---  
  
Later, after much nonsense in the forest, Maiev and her cronies find the Naga burning ships at a coastal village.  
  
Magellan: I knew we shouldn't have stopped here.  
  
Naga #1: Quickly, burn the ships so they can't follow Lord Illidan!  
  
Naga #2: Couldn't they just buy more ones at the Goblin Shipyard down the street?  
  
Naga #1: ...Shut up.  
  
Maiev: No you don't. Die!  
  
Maiev and the Night Elves kill all the Naga.  
  
Magellan (Sailing away): Hah! You fiends thought you could take me? You'll never stop me from completing my journey! Next stop, Mactan, Phillipines!  
  
Maiev: Alright, we managed to save three ships!  
  
Naisha: Hm... The "Titanic", the "Lusitania", and the "Bismarck"... Interesting ship names.  
  
---  
  
Several days later...  
  
Maiev: Damn, we are stranded on this island.  
  
Naisha: Who didn't see that coming?  
  
Naga: Hahahaha! You fools! Illidan is VERY SECRETLY trying to find some powerful artifact!  
  
Maiev: Thanks, ass.  
  
Naga: You're welcome..... DOH!!!!  
  
---  
  
Deep inside the Tomb of Sargeras...  
  
Maiev: Hmm, these runes depict the journey of Gul'Dan...  
  
*Flashback*  
  
Gul'Dan: C'mon you sissies, we're here to find the Eye of Sargeras. Or at least the nose.  
  
Shaman: But master.... There are GUARDIANS in here. Some of them might even have ANKHs!  
  
Suddenly, they were ambushed by Guardians.  
  
Guardian: Hahaha! Die sissy orcs!  
  
Gul'Dan: Quickly, cast bloodlust!  
  
Gul'Dan and his warriors get all beefed up and scary.  
  
Gul'Dan: Now we will DESTROY YOU!  
  
Guardian: I don't think so... BLIZZARD PATCH NERF ATTACK!  
  
Blizzard Patch: Now downloading Warcraft III V1.11 .... Bloodlust is now worthless!  
  
Shamans and Gul'Dan: NOOO! *gets slaughtered*  
  
*flashback ends*  
  
Maiev: Cheese.  
  
Naisha: There is the tomb! Lets go!  
  
---  
  
Inside the tomb...  
  
Illidan is wacking his blind cane around trying to find the Eye of Sargeras.  
  
Lady Vashj: How ironic... He ended up blind after a life of happily being able to see...  
  
Maiev and Naisha come barging in.  
  
Maiev: Illidan, you're under arrest! You have the right to remain silent, you have the right to an attorney, if you cannot afford one, you'll be given a druid instead.  
  
Illidan: A druid!? No way! I'll just have to kill you instead!  
  
Illidan finds the Eye of Sargeras (Which was directly infront of him the whole time), and uses it to cause the tomb to collapse.  
  
Naisha: Go on without me! Warn Furion and Tyrande! *gets crushed by falling rock*  
  
Maiev: Since you didn't say please... No.  
  
Maiev blinks out of the tomb.  
  
---  
  
Not long after, Maiev and her forces are getting owned by the Naga.  
  
Maiev: I guess I should have respected my friend's dying wishes when I had the chance.  
  
Runner: Well... We can still summon for help.  
  
Maiev: Ok then, run to Ashenvale and get Shan'do Stormrage.  
  
Runner: But I'll need a ship...  
  
Maiev *mockingly*: But I'll need a ship... You lazy kids. Back in my day, 398327129827 years ago when I was merely 1000 years old, we had to walk all the way from Dalaran to the Well Spring... ON FOOT.  
  
Runner: But the continents weren't shattered...  
  
Maiev: Silence! Now go!  
  
Runner: *sigh* Bitch.  
  
To be continued.... 


	2. Terror of the Warm Yellow Public Pool II

Warcraft III: The Antarctic Toilet  
  
By Agent Smith  
  
---  
  
Somewhere on the eastern side of the Sunken Ruins...  
  
Illidan: Yes! I win!!! I captured the Eye of Sargeras!  
  
Lady Vashj: Umm, Lord Illidan...  
  
Illidan: What is it?  
  
Lady Vashj: That isn't exactly the 'Eye' of Sargeras.  
  
Illidan: OH? Then what is it, smartass?  
  
Lady Vashj: It's more of... The Left Testicle.  
  
Illidan: Really? And how do you know this...?  
  
Lady Vashj: ...Shut up.  
  
Meanwhile, a Naga guard slithered in...  
  
Naga: Lord Illidan! Priestess Tyrande and Malfurion Stormrage have arrived!  
  
Illidan: Tyrande... My one true love... Vashj, assemble the forces and kill them all.  
  
Lady Vashj: Yes master.  
  
Illidan: And as for you, anonymous Naga guard #339283...  
  
Naga Guard #339254: It's #339254 actually.. What?  
  
Illidan: You can DIE NOW! *Slices the guard in half*  
  
Lady Vashj: Do you really have to kill a henchmen every time one of them talks to you?  
  
---  
  
Elsewhere on the island...  
  
Maiev: Where is that runner? She should have been back by now.  
  
Night Elf Extra: Um... She left 15 minutes ago...  
  
Another wave of Naga come after them.  
  
Maiev: Oh no! More Naga, we can't hold another wave!  
  
Night Elf Extra: Perhaps because you've been massing Archers all day without teching up to Tier 2?  
  
Maiev: Shut up, I know what I'm doing. Damn extras, I miss Naisha already.  
  
Just as all seemed lost, Tyrande and Malfurion Stormrage arrived!  
  
Maiev: Hello losers... And Shan'do Stormrage.  
  
Tyrande: I'm the only one here besides the Shan'do and these anonymous extras... You dissing me?  
  
Maiev: You dumb bitch, you killed my guards and freed Illidan, and now he is on a rampage!  
  
Tyrande's Tiger: CAT FIGHT  
  
Malfurion: Silence! Now's not the time, we have to capture Illidan before he destroys the world!  
  
Maiev: Good plan, Shan'do Stormrage.  
  
Malfurion: Thanks! And it's Shampoo Stormrage by the way!  
  
Maiev: ..What?  
  
Naga: Ahahahahaa! Fools! I'll kill you all!  
  
Malfurion squirts a bottle of shampoo in the Naga's eyes.  
  
Naga: OH GOD! MY EYES! IM VISUAL CHALLENGED NOW!!!  
  
Malfurion: See? Effective!  
  
Maiev: Whatever, let's go.  
  
They r0x0r the Naga base. In the midst of battle, Tyrande disappears to confront Illidan.  
  
Tyrande: Illidan! Stop this madness, it's over!  
  
Illidan: Now, it's only just begun!  
  
A Naga Guard throws a net at Tyrande.  
  
Illidan: Now it's time for the rape scene.  
  
Conviently, Malfurion and Maiev show up.  
  
Malfurion: You aren't going to rape my bitch as long as I'm here, Illidan! *frees Tyrande*  
  
Illidan: Damn it. Oh well, as long as I still have the power... OF THE LEFT TESTICLE OF SARGERAS...  
  
Malfurion, Tyrande, and Maiev break out laughing.  
  
Illidan: Stop it! No! I won't be laughed at! You're laughing WITH me! Yes, that it's it, WITH me!  
  
Maiev: Hahahaa. No.  
  
Illidan: Damn it! My... pride... Oh well, all the more reason to destroy the world. Later, assholes.  
  
Illidan runs off... directly into a tree.  
  
Illidan: Damn it! Forgot my cane.  
  
Illidan wacks the cane around and finds a ship, which he uses it to escape.  
  
Maiev: Damn it, he got away somehow. Let's chase him across the ocean.  
  
The trio run across the ocean.  
  
---  
  
Several days later, on Lordaeron...  
  
Maiev: What a strange place...  
  
Tyrande: Where are we?  
  
They search around to find a bar.... The Silverpine Mens Club, that is.  
  
Malfurion: You two go on ahead in... I need to go... Um... "Commune" with the forests. *runs off*  
  
Tyrande and Maiev go inside, and see a bunch of Blood Elf priests. As they enter the bar, the get some wierd looks from some of the more burly members. They also notice there is not a women in site, with the exception of the occasional mannish woman.  
  
Maiev: Uhhh, I think we better leave...  
  
Just then, the blood mage Kael-thas walks up to them, wearing red spandex.  
  
Kael: Hey there! What are you two silly bears doing in here?  
  
Maiev: Umm.. We are looking for a muscular guy with two horns and goat feet...  
  
Kael: Ohhh, he sounds delicious... Err, I mean, I'll help you find that goose! But you have to help me...  
  
Tyrande: What do you want us to do?  
  
Kael: Escort a train to the Dalaran ruins.  
  
Tyrande: Gah, alright.  
  
Maiev: We're wasting time!  
  
Tyrande: Shut up you bitch, he's probably there anyways!  
  
Maiev: Why you...  
  
Kael: Whoa whoa whoa! Ease down, us sisters shouldn't fight!  
  
Maiev: Fine. Let's go. Where is this "train" anyways?  
  
Blood Elf Priests: Over here! All aboard the man train!  
  
Maiev: I hate this continent already.  
  
---  
  
As the "man train" chugs down the Lordaeron landscape, Maiev and Tyrande notice an eerie silence outside of the large burly blood elf men singing Village People.  
  
Maiev: Grr... Tyrande, I was going to kill you for murdering my guards. But for this... I'm going to kill you until you DIE from it.  
  
Tyrande: Yeah sure, you aren't even level 10 yet.  
  
However, unbenounced to the group, the Undead were spying on them...  
  
Ghoul: Friggin 'mos!  
  
Abomination: Excuse me, but that was very unaccounted for, Ghoul. Homosexuality is just a sexual preference, and you have no right to hate them for what they are. Are you some sort of homophobe?  
  
Ghoul: Yes I am! *attacks Abomination*  
  
Abomination: Hah. How foolish of you. Your attack power is almost as pathetic as your grammar. Are you some sort of jingoist? Are you trembling before my slew of intelligent words that I copied off various internet discussion boards? Hah. Pathetic. Err... *notices HP is at 10* I guess the jocks at my high school were right, I AM all talk and no action... Damn it, I'll never be able to act like a bad ass on the internet again, and I'm still a virgin, not suprisingly. Oh the world!  
  
The Abomination is killed.  
  
Ghoul: Alright, let's attack!  
  
The Undead emerge from the forests and buildings and attack the man train.  
  
Kael: Oh! Stop that! Stop that you silly geese!  
  
Tyrande: Go on, I'll use Starfall on the bridge like an idiot!  
  
The Blood Elves and Maiev reach the other side of the bridge, while Tyrande casts star fall.  
  
Ghoul: ARRGH!!!  
  
Undead Player: U FUCKING N00BFALL CHEESER  
  
The bridge breaks under Tyrande, causing her to be swept away by the river.  
  
Tyrande: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Crap.  
  
Kael: Oh my eye! Tyrande is dead!  
  
Maiev: YES! Now Illidan will fall for me! Err.. I mean...  
  
Kael: Hehe... Someones gotta little crush...  
  
Maiev: Shut up, fag.  
  
---  
  
Meanwhile, in the middle of the Silverpine forest, the ground began to shake.  
  
Malfurion: Oh no, and Azerothquake! Come, spirits, and show me what is causing this!  
  
The Spirits showed him a vision of Northrend getting owned by the earthquake.  
  
Malfurion: Damn, the Lich King must be throwing one hell of a party! And he didn't even invite me... That asshole! I'll just have to use that artifact Illidan stole to destroy Northrend!  
  
Spirit: That IS what Illidan is doing, dumbass!  
  
Malfurion: Illidan is trying to break up the party?!? He must be stopped!  
  
Malfurion ran off toward Dalaran while the spirits detonated in frustration.  
  
---  
  
At Dalaran...  
  
Illidan: Quickly, we must use the Left Testicle of Sargeras to destroy Northrend and end the scourge forever!  
  
Naga Summoners: Um, Lord Illidan... We're over here.  
  
Illidan: *turns to face them* Err, right.  
  
Lady Vashj: Lord Illidan?  
  
Illidan: What, what, WHAT? Can't you see I'm busy?  
  
Lady Vashj: Um, you've been blinding stumbling around here for the past 3 hours now.  
  
Illidan: Yeah... Exactly...  
  
Lady Vashj: Anyways, Maiev has reached Dalaran.  
  
Illidan: And Tyrande?  
  
Lady Vashj: I think she's dead.  
  
Illidan: Tyrande!? Dead!? NOOO, my one true love!  
  
Lady Vashj: Uhh, I thought Arthas was your one true love?  
  
Illidan: Who told you that?  
  
Lady Vashj: You did. You talk in your sleep.  
  
Illidan: I did!? That loud mouthed bastard! I outta slap me... Err, I mean, he lied.  
  
Lady Vashj: You lied?  
  
Illidan: You calling me a liar?  
  
---  
  
Just after that shocking revelation, Malfurion arrived at Maiev's base camp.  
  
Maiev: Shampoo Stormrage... Tyrande is dead...  
  
Malfurion: What!? How..?  
  
Maiev: Umm... She was... Shot... Repeatedly... In the face... By, uh... the police.  
  
Malfurion: Why?  
  
Maiev: For being a bitch.  
  
Malfurion: Why do I for some reason not believe you?  
  
Maiev: Denial is the most predictable reaction. Anyways, Illidan is nearby and must be stopped, or his spell will destroy the world!  
  
Malfurion: Oh fine, we'll worry about the fate of my one true love later.  
  
---  
  
After completely annihilating Illidan's Naga forces, they find Illidan and the summoners.  
  
Illidan: Hahaha! Take that Lich King! Feel the power of the Left Testicle of Sargeras!  
  
Kael'thas was already feeling it.  
  
Maiev: Stop right there Illidan!  
  
Illidan: *facing the other direction* What? No!  
  
Maiev groaned and tapped him on his shoulder. Illidan jumped a mile.  
  
Illidan: Jesus! It's not right to sneak up on a blind person!  
  
Maiev: And it's not right to destroy the home of the number one source of evil remaining on this planet!  
  
Maiev's forces kill the summoners.  
  
Illidan: You hypocrite! Those summoners had family... Children... You should be ashamed!  
  
Maiev: Silence! For recklessly endangering blah blah blah, I sentence you to death! Good bye!  
  
Illidan: Wait! I can help you save Tyrande!  
  
Malfurion: But Maiev said she was dead!  
  
Kael: Back up the bus there, big boy! Tyrande was swept down a river, she might still be alive...  
  
Malfurion: Maiev, you said she was shot!  
  
Maiev: Did you really believe that, Shampoo Stormrage?  
  
Illidan: Enough, we must go and rescue her!  
  
Narrator: Will Malfurion ever see Tyrande again? Will Illidam expose his true love to Arthas? Find out on the next episode of... Antarctic Toilet Threeeee! 


	3. Curse of the Boring Campaign

Warcraft III: The Antarctic Toilet  
  
By Agent Smith  
  
---  
  
Narrator: LAST EPISODE ON ANTARCTIC TOILET THREEE... Furion went head to head with Illidan to decide the fate of the universe, within the ruined city of Dalaran!  
  
Furion: Your path of destruction ends here Illidan!  
  
*scenes of Furion and Illidan battling with ridiculous explosions and landscape destruction*  
  
Narrator: ...However, just as Furion had the upperhand...  
  
*Illidan runs over and grabs Maiev*  
  
Illidan: Hahaha!  
  
Maiev: Crap!  
  
*Illidan absorbs Maiev, taking on many of Maiev's features... Mainly her bitchiness*  
  
Narrator: Illidan absorbed Maiev, gaining tremendous power in the process! As things looked bleaked for Furion...  
  
Furion: Nice trick, Illidan, but it's time for me to go... SUPER NIGHT ELF THREEEE!  
  
Illidan: No!  
  
Furion: *powering up* Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.....ARRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
  
Narrator: But will that be enough to defeat Illidan? Find out in todays episode....  
  
Title Screen: *cheesy rock music in background* Furion Defeats Illidan and Saves Earth!  
  
---  
  
Somewhere...  
  
Tyrande: Much to the dismay of many Warcraft 3 players, I am still alive!  
  
Undead Jobber: Not for long! Hahaha! *dies*  
  
Tyrande: Someone save me please, this is getting duller than my character development.  
  
Elsewhere...  
  
Naga Extra: Tyrande is just beyond that Undead base!  
  
Illidan: What Night Elf base?  
  
Furion: The one we just annihilated with our ridiculously powerful forces, coupled with cheat codes so that the user can easily pass this snoozer of a mission.  
  
Illidan: Hah! Foolish user, you think you've had enough boredom? BLOOD ELVES ARE NEXT, BUDDY!  
  
The pass the smoldering ruins of the Undead base, which had been turned into a virtual Hiroshima using the sheer power of whosyourdaddy'd murlock slaves, to Tyrande.  
  
Furion: Yes, I saved Tyrande!  
  
Illidan: No, I did!  
  
Furion: Me!  
  
Illidan: No me!  
  
Furion: No, ME!  
  
Illidan: No, YOU!  
  
Furion: YOU! YOU! AND YOU! THATS FINAL!  
  
Illidan: Ok.  
  
Furion: DOH! Now I remember why I locked you in a cage for 1298749127 years.  
  
User: stfu fagits, i did teh winn  
  
Game: GAME OVER, THE USER HAS WON  
  
Bob and Enzo: Nooo, we failed to save Mainframe!  
  
---  
  
Tyrande: I guess we all owe you an apology, Illidan. Now please stop lusting over me, you sick fuck. I'd be suprised if your blind ass could even find where to stick it in.  
  
Illidan: Easily, judging from the size of what I'd be trying to find, bitch.  
  
Furion: Enough! Let's end this campaign already. Illidan, don't bother the Night Elves again blah blah blah yadda yadda. Now get out of here.  
  
Illidan: Rest assure, assholes, I'll continue my campaign to rule the world.... IN DRAENOR! HAHAH!  
  
Illidan creates a portal, and runs to jump in it. Of course, being blind, he misses it by a good 5 feet and goes over a cliff.  
  
Furion: Now that he's out of the picture, let us return to the forests and enjoy our long awaited "slumber", hehehe.  
  
Tyrande: Oh, Furion! I'll be your EMERALD DREAM any day!  
  
Maiev: What the fuck are you cheesy sex pun fags doing, letting Illidan get away? God damn, I have to do everything around here. *steps in the portal*  
  
---  
  
Elsewhere...  
  
Garithos: Bah! You lousy Fag Elves are late again!  
  
Kael: Stop it, Garithos! We saw some GODDY roses, and we just HAD to frolic in them!  
  
Garithos: Fucking homos, we should have commited ridiculous pseudo-nazi genocide on you when we had the chance! Oh well, the Undead are attacking. Make yourselves useful, and slave-repair a few observatories.  
  
Kael: Awww, can't I be your sex slave again?  
  
Garithos: No, fruitcake, you like it too much. Besides, I have to GLORIOUSLY BATTLE the undead.  
  
*Garithos rides toward the battle, steps on a Goblin landmine, and explodes*  
  
Garithos: FUCKING GAYBLINS, arrgh. *dies*  
  
Kael: Well, that's a turn of events.  
  
Kael and his man sK73Vs repair some observatory things, and wind up meeting the Naga.  
  
Lady Vashj: So, we meet again, Kael. Do you need our help?  
  
Kael: Sorry, hun, but I only get help from oily muscular men and pedophile priests.  
  
Kael and his forces get raped by the Undead, and like it.  
  
Kael: ...You were saying?  
  
The Naga own the Undead.  
  
Lady Vashj: If only these missions were as interesting as portrayed in this fanfic. Oh well.  
  
Garithos: Hah! Thought you could kill ME, traitorous Kael and your traitorous Nagay helpers?  
  
Kael: Umm... But master Garithos....  
  
Lady Vashj *whispering* Just go along with it. We need to find a way to fit you into Mission 3.  
  
Kael: Oh, please spare me master Garithos, and take me to your dungeon of manslave love!  
  
Lady Vashj: Good acting!  
  
Kael: Acting?  
  
---  
  
In the dungeon...  
  
Guard Marcus: Hahaha! With this prison cells full of NAKED WOMEN, the Blood Elves will be too petrified to move!  
  
Kael: These... nude women.. So uninteresting... Our thirst for man juice will consume us...  
  
Guard Marcus: Shut up!  
  
TROGDOR THE BURNINATOR: Gee, I wish I was in that cell. Oh well, I have some thatched-roof cottages and peasants to burninate. Later.  
  
Guard Marcus: Later.  
  
TROGDOR THE BURNINATOR: JUST KIDDING! *Burninates Marcus*  
  
Guard Marcus: The goggles! THEY DO NOTHING!  
  
Kael: You don't have them on.  
  
Guard Marcus: Oh. *puts them on, and they do something*  
  
TROGDOR THE BURNINATOR: IT'S NIGHT.. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!  
  
Trogdor burninates the women in the cell, and then all the thatched roof cottages and peasants in the Dungeon.  
  
Lady Vashj: Damn it, I WAS SUPPOSED TO RESCUE KAEL! *lightning bolts Trogdor*  
  
TROGDOR THE BURNINATOR: *LIGHTNINGED*  
  
Kael: Cmon, let's rescue the others.  
  
Lady Vashj: Bleh, we have to hack-n-slash through this dungeon?  
  
Kael: No...  
  
Kael goes over to the dungeon loudspeakers.  
  
Kael: ATTENTION ALL BLOOD ELVES... JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE HAS BEEN SPOTTED NEAR A PORTAL HEADING TO DRAENOR  
  
By the thousands, the Blood Elves burst out of their cells, tramping the hapless guards and swarming into the portal outside.  
  
Lady Vashj: Yes, we completely averted that snoozer Tower Defense level! Good job Kael!  
  
Kael: Thanks. Those silly bears over at Blizzard... It's bad enough every single big boy on b.net has made a TD map, but now them?!? Oh my eye!  
  
Jailor: What are you guys doing, trying to escape? You'll get me fired.  
  
Lady Vashj: Oh, free experience. Any last requests, Jailor?  
  
Jailor: Please, I was just trying to do my job. I have a family to feed. Tommorow is my daughters birthda-  
  
Lady Vashj lightning bolts the Jailor, frying him.  
  
Kael: Alright, lets go.  
  
Zoom in on the Jailor's body, in his hand he is holding his wallet, with a bunch of pictures with him joyfully playing with his family.  
  
Kel'Thuzad: Don't let this happen to you or your family. Vote Lich King over Illidan in 2004.  
  
Garithos: Stop, evil elves!  
  
Garithos gallops toward the portal on his horse, and gets run over by a bus.  
  
---  
  
On Draenor...  
  
Kael: Wasn't this place destroyed?  
  
Lady Vashj: Yes.  
  
Kael: Then why are we standing here?  
  
Lady Vashj: Why was Guldan killed inside the Tomb of Sagaraes despite also being killed by Orcs outside of the Tomb? Why is Sylvannas a Dark Ranger in this game when she was a Banshee previously? Plot changes, you know.  
  
Kael: Well, this place holds about as much interest to me as a lesbian rave.  
  
Lady Vashj: Enough with your gayisms. We need to find Illidan.  
  
The eventually find that Illidan has been caged by Maiev.  
  
Illidan: Maiev, my water bubbler and food dish are empty.  
  
Maiev: *whacks him with a newspaper* Shut up!  
  
Night Elf Extra: Well, you've caught the bad guy, Maiev, what are you going to do now?  
  
Maiev: I'm going to Disneyroth!  
  
Lady Vashj: Drop the cripple, Maiev. The jig is up!  
  
The Naga free Illidan.  
  
Illidan: Justice has triumphed, it's over Maiev.  
  
Maiev: ...but that's my line.  
  
Illidan: Maiev, for recklessly endangering Tyrandes life, and treating my cruely in captivity, I sentence you to DEATH!  
  
Maiev: *getting taken away by Naga guards* Just you wait, pig, it's not over yet! You haven't seen the last of me! I'll be back on the streets by morning!!  
  
Kael: Oh, Illidan, you're so silly! I think I'll call you Sillidan!  
  
Illidan: Call me that again, and I'll cut your toes off with wire cutters, gut you and use your entrails as jump ropes and food for my dog, gouge out your eyes with a fork and then squash them under my boot, place your head between a vice and tighten the vice until your brains ooze out the cracks in your skull, and leave your rotting corpse on your mothers doorstep.  
  
Kael: Ok Sillidan!  
  
Illidan: I warned you.  
  
Illidan attacks Kael with his blind cane, while Kael easily avoids the assault, grabs Illidan, and throws him off a cliff.  
  
Illidan: *Falling down like Wiley E. Coyote* DAMN IT, NOT AGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN *poof*  
  
---  
  
Later...  
  
Kael: What are we going to do now?   
  
Illidan: Well, now that we have enough bad guys, we must stop the Undead, or else some demon will kill us.  
  
Lady Vashj: So what are we doing here?  
  
Illidan: Hah, you see, that's the genious of my plan! Instead of fighting the Undead on Azeroth, where the Lich King can control them... We'll invite them over here! Then, we'll get them comfortable.... Relaxed... Maybe throw a few keg parties.... And then we'll strike, and destroy them! Hahahaha!  
  
Lady Vashj: ...  
  
Kael: Yikes, big boy! There better be burly men at that keg party, or I'm not helping.  
  
Illidan: Fuck it, we'll just take this world.  
  
Magtheridon: HAHAHA, NOT IF I CAN HELP IT, MORTALS!  
  
Lady Vashj: Word of advice, fat boy, any villain who calls others 'mortals' usually dies in the end of that particular Warcraft game, while the mortals survive.  
  
Magtheridon: Fuck. *Gets gang-raped by Kael and his priests*  
  
Illidan: A fitting end for the dumb bastard.  
  
Suddenly, a massive storm approachs.  
  
Illidan: Haha, I'm such a bad ass, ruling over this planet now. What's that storm?  
  
Kil'jaeden: DID YOU THINK YOU COULD HIDE FROM ME, PUNY MORTAL? ...FUCK, THERE GOES MY CHANCES. I'LL BE LUCKY IF I SEE WARCRAFT 4. ANYWAYS, GO KILL THE LICH KING, OR ELSE.  
  
Illidan: PLEASE DON'T HURT ME MASTER, I'LL DO ANYTHING!  
  
---  
  
So, after being pussy whiped by Kil'jaeden, the Blood Elves and Illidan head to Northrend where they will inevitably be owned by the User, who is now being shifted into the Undead campaign. Bad timing, huh?  
  
Garithos: *arriving on Draenor* Hahaha! Tremble mortals, and dispair... GARITHOS has come to this world! *cheesy rock music plays*  
  
Illidan: *runs over to Garithos* Fucking die, already!  
  
Illidan slashses Garithos about a billion times, while Kael flamestrikes Garithos a million times non-stop. Then they bury Garithos.  
  
Illidan: Good riddance. *Leaves through a portal to Azeroth, while Garithos's hand suddenly breaks through the dirt...*  
  
To be continued... 


	4. Legacy of the Darned!

Warcraft III: The Antarctic Toilet  
  
By Agent Smith  
  
---  
  
Narrator: Last time on Antarctic Toilet THREEEE....  
  
Kael: Hahaha, you can only make so many gay jokes, Smith! You're humor making abilities will CEASE in my... DREADED SNOOZER OF A CAMPAIGN!  
  
Smith: No! Arrghhh..  
  
Narrator: ...the Blood Elf campaign proved a deadly adversary to parody...  
  
Illidan walks blindly into a wall, falls down the ridiculously high stairwell to the black citadel, and into a pit of snakes.  
  
Narrator: ...but Smith managed to pull a few smirkers, and a new atack...  
  
Smith: Not so fast Kael, now I'll bring out the ultimate parody character... Arthas!  
  
Kael: No!!!!!  
  
Title Screen: *cheesy rock music plays* The Legacy of the Darned!!!!!  
  
---  
  
Somewhere in Lordaraeon...  
  
Detheroc: Damn it, we still haven't recieved our orders from our leaders yet.  
  
Elderly Japanese imperial soldier on some Pacific Atoll: I know how you feel!  
  
Balnazzar: Shut up! We were charged with overseeing this land.  
  
Detheroc: Do you think it has anything to do with the fact that we were caught stealing Kil'Jaedens cheese cake?  
  
Varimathras: What makes you say that?  
  
Detheroc: Well, we are standing alone surrounded by an entire army run by an all powerful entity who would kill us any chance he got!  
  
Balnazzar: Nah, the Lich King would NEVER do that.  
  
Just then, Arthas burst through the gate, with a band tied around his head, no shirt, and ripped camouflage pants. He was also brandishing a large machine gun.  
  
Balnazzar: Hah! You think that puny stick can stop us?  
  
Arthas: Oh, you want to play rough? Well, say HELLO to my little FIEND!!  
  
Crypt Fiend: ?  
  
Arthas started firing the machine gun from his waist, without really aiming it. The Dreadlords took cover as ridiculous explosions bursted around them. Arthas kept firing his gun, as the empty shells piled up around him. Viet Cong started running out of nearby huts, only to get mowed down seconds later, before they could even raise their AK47's to fire back. A wagon full of fire extinguisher foam caught fire and exploded. The horse ran off a cliff and exploded too, because EVERYTHING explodes in hollywood.  
  
Kel'Thuzad: ...Shouldn't he have run out of ammunition by now?  
  
Sylvannas: Not in Hollywood.  
  
Arthas kept firing, as he stood amongst several 10 foot high piles of empty shell casing, including one that went up to his waist. A MIG-29 started closing in on Arthas, only to explode and the debris to smash into a Hind helicopter.   
  
Balnazzar: That's it, I'm out of here.  
  
The Dreadlords take off. Arthas stops firing, with the empty shell cases now up to his neckline. From Arthas's vision, we see a red tinted view of the destruction he caused, with various electronic readouts flashing. One of them reads "HUMAN CASUALTIES - 0"  
  
Arthas: What the hell? *Whacks himself on the side of the head*  
  
It now read "HUMAN CASUALTIES - 1022987393373".  
  
Later...  
  
Kel'Thuzad: Prince Arthas, we knew you would return!  
  
Arthas: Yeah, but from now on Lich, you'll address me as Supreme Grand Admiral General Colonel Major Captain Lieutenant Diety Baron Queen Duke God Lord Duke Duchess President El-Presidente Dictator Fuhrer Duce Premier Prime-Minister Bishop Archbishop Pope King Arthas!  
  
Kel'Thuzad: Uhh...  
  
Arthas: And as my first act as Supreme Grand Admiral General Colonel Major Captain Lieutenant Diety Baron King Queen Duke God Lord Duke Duchess President El-Presidente Dictator Fuhrer Duce Premier Prime-Minister Bishop Archbishop Pope King, I hereby rename Lordaeron to the "Holy Royal Enlightened People's Democractic Republic Empire and Alliance of Conquered States of Arthastag".  
  
Kel'Thuzad: ....yeah. Anyways, what are we going to do now?  
  
Arthas: The enlighted holy shining blade of Frostmourne will be brought down upon the skulls of the human infidels, cleansing them from the face of Arthastag. Anyone plotting against my reign will be brought before a live audience of 300,000 of my loyalist followers, and publically executed by the rapturistic power of the Frostmourne blade, and their corpse will be left to be devoured by baboons.  
  
Sylvannas: Erm... *gulp*  
  
Garithos: Come back you villains!  
  
Garithos is mauled by a racoon, while the others laugh.  
  
---  
  
Arthas was busy cleansing the infidels from his kingdom, when suddenly..  
  
Arthas: Haha! Die- ACK!  
  
Arthas suddenly saw a vision from the Lich King. He saw the frozen throne... And a huge keg party with strippers going on around it.  
  
Lich King: The Icecrown glacier is heating up, and YOU'RE INVITED ARTHAS!  
  
Arthas: Huzaah!  
  
Later, in the new capital to Arthastag.  
  
Kel'Thuzad: So, what happened Arthas?  
  
Arthas: Uhhh... I have to... Get to Northrend... Yeah... Something bad is happening...  
  
Suddenly, the city gate slams and they are seperated. Arthas finds himself in the room where he was planning of having his minions build a gigantic statue of him riding a golden horse whilst adorned in Napoleotic military attire. However, three infidel Dreadlords were desecrating the presence of our fine Supreme Grand Admiral General Colonel ect..  
  
Balnazzar: Hahaha! I don't think so, puny human! You see, while you were PUNILY running around, killing the PUNY peasants and burnintating the PUNY thatched-roof cottages... We were divising a PUNY plan!  
  
Detheroc: Hahaha! Yes! You see... WE ARE OVERTHROWING YOU NOW ARTHAS!!!!!!  
  
Arthas: Wow, great plan assholes. It took you three weeks to think up that?  
  
Varimathras: ....He got us there...  
  
Balnazzar: Quiet, puny human pune! We have already taken control of your puny army!  
  
A bunch of puny ghouls with hitpoints that were preset at "1" rush out and get owned by Arthas.  
  
Dreadlords: Errr... Carry on, master Arthas... *runs*  
  
Arthas: Don't worry, I'll be sure to inject some high pathogen viruses like Ebola into you, and let you rot for a few days before I thrust my shining lightbringing Frostmourne into your skulls.  
  
Arthas leaves the city, only to be confronted by Sylvannas.  
  
Sylvannas: Hey Arthas, come with us, and we'll give you a strip show!  
  
Arthas: Finally, some action for my green-mold covered schlong!  
  
Sylvannas and the other banshees shudder.  
  
---  
  
As they are walking through the forest...  
  
Arthas: Aren't you hos going to put on that strip show yet- ARG  
  
Lich King: You've been decieved! They are all feminists! Get out of there and get to the party, or you'll miss out on the lesbian lap dance!  
  
Suddenly, Arthas is hit by an arrow.  
  
Arthas: Sylvannas, you traitor! Don't bother worrying about your family after you are executed... As they'll be hanging right beside you!  
  
Sylvannas: Quiet, you immature MAN. Now that I shot you with that poisonious arrow, I can cause you more torment you caused me. You'll be forced to watch Lifetime network forever!  
  
TV: Coming up on lifetime, the story of an unfaithful Undead prince who rapes a woman, and then the woman gets revenge by using the power of sister bondship!  
  
Arthas: NOOOOOO, you bitch!  
  
Just then, Kel'Thuzad bursts in.  
  
Sylvannas: Ha! It'll take more than just a puny lich to save you.  
  
Kel'Thuzad: Oh, I don't think so.  
  
Sylvannas and her Banshees start jujitsu fighting Kel'Thuzad, who takes all 8 of them on with ease. Kel'Thuzad knocks them around whilst various Matrix camera slowmos and freeze-and-rotate's appear. Sylvannas tries to shoot Kel'Thuzad with an arrow, aimed directly at the Lich's head, but Kel'Thuzad bends back just in time to dodge it.  
  
Kel'Thuzad: Quickly Arthas, grab my hand!  
  
Arthas does so, and they fly off.  
  
Sylvannas: Grrr... Those lousy men! All they care about is football and fighting! We still have each other, right sisters?  
  
Sylvannas sees that she is the only one left standing.  
  
Sylvannas: Oh well, at least I still have my own campaign! And it's an ORIGINAL storyline!  
  
Kerrigan: I don't think so, bitch.  
  
---  
  
Kel'Thuzad: Here, we have reached the shore! Go quickly, Arthas, and save the Lich King!  
  
Arthas: Uhhh, yeah, save the Lich King. Errr, Kel'Thuzad, since you saved my life and all, I think you deserve to know, it's not really a rescue mission.... There is a party going on.  
  
Kel'Thuzad: I know, Arthas, I know. I'm to old for that type of stuff. My frostiness is going out, and I've already gone through 3 sets of skeletons! Go, and have your fun... But beware, for those evil Demons may still be trying to crash the party.  
  
Arthas jumps in the boat and sails away. Kel'Thuzad jumps in his cadillac, thumps the hydrolics a bit, and drives off to pick up some more Skelebitches.  
  
---  
  
Elsewhere, in the Plaguelands, Sylvannas is whining about how Arthas was so evil and such, and how she was an undead forever. Then, the Demon Lords appeared...  
  
Balnazzar: You played an important part in ridding this kingdom of Arthas. We would like to become your eternal slaves forever, both normally and sexually, and grovel at your feet whilst calling you 'Master'.  
  
Sylvannas: Bah! I have no desire to get involved in your politics, demon!  
  
Detheroc: Ok, plan B, we'll gather our forces and kill you.  
  
Detheroc and Balnazzar run off.  
  
Varimathras: Umm, guys? What about me?  
  
Sylvannas: Hmm, they don't give you many speaking roles, do they?  
  
Varimathras: It's because my name is hard to spell.  
  
Sylvannas: Well, join my empire, and I will give you plenty of speaking roles.  
  
Varimathras: Alright.  
  
---  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Detheroc: Hahaha! I have established this unbeatable citadel! It's walls are 40 feet high! The front gate is made out of 3 inch thick steel! There is no one anyone can get into here!  
  
Garithos walks in via a nearby screen door, while sitcom audience cheering plays.  
  
Detheroc: Oh? Hey Garithos! What brings you here?  
  
Garithos: Hah, you see, I've come up with a great idea! You see, now that our Meat Wagons can produce corpses out of thin air, we will use our Necromancers to raise more skeletons... And... Get this... OPEN A SKELETON PET STORE! We could sell the skeletons for gold, and because we get TWO skeletons from ONE corpse, we'll make TWICE the profit! We can even get those newfangled Skeletal Mages and sell them for an even more expensive price!  
  
Doom Guard: (whispering to Detheroc) Another one of his crazy get rich quick schemes. You remember what happened with the Carrion Beetle fights? Or the Obsidian Statue wax museum?  
  
Detheroc: Get lost, Garithos.  
  
Garithos: Well, suit yourselves. But when I'm swimming in a giant pool of money, and you're moping around because the Wall Nether Stock Market crashed... Don't come crying to me! Haha!  
  
Garithos rides off on his horse, and rides directly into a low-flying sign post, flies off his horse, and into a fountain of acid.  
  
Detheroc: (laughing) Well, at least he's good entertainment.  
  
Suddenly, Sylvannas and Varimathras emerge from the ground, from what appears to be a tunnel.  
  
Varimathras: You fool, Detheroc, you should have known that every fortress has a weakness! Even though we spent tiring hours tunnelling-  
  
Sylvannas taps Varimathras on the shoulder and points to the screen door.  
  
Varimathras: What the...? NOOO! Oh, wait. I get it. It's psychology. You see, he WANTED us to go through the screen door.  
  
Detheroc: Well, sort of, originally it was rigged by a 100 ton anvil that fell on your head when you walked through. However, Garithos kept coming in and surviving somehow, so we just got rid of it. His ideas are crazy enough as it is.  
  
Sylvannas: Oh well, time to die.  
  
Sylvannas fires an arrow right at Detheroc's throat.  
  
Detheroc: Ooh! A penny!  
  
Detheroc bends down, and the arrow misses. Sylvannas fires yet another arrow. Detheroc sneezes, causing the arrow to fly off course. Yet another arrow is fired. Detheroc exercises his neck by rotating it around a bit, causing the arrow to miss his head.  
  
Sylvannas: Oh, screw this. *notices an anvil overhead* Hey, I thought you got rid of that... LIAR!  
  
Sylvannas presses a nearby button labelled '100 Ton Anvil'. At the same time, Garithos emerges from the pool of acid, unscathed.  
  
Garithos: I got it! We can cross breed Doom Guards and Infernals and- *KLONG*  
  
The 100 ton anvil sat heavily on the ground, with Garithos's feet sticking out.  
  
Sylvannas: Damn it! Wait, I got an idea!  
  
Varimathras: What?  
  
Sylvannas: Hey Detheroc. Look how worseless you are.  
  
Detheroc: Shut up! I rule a kingdom! I have a citadel!  
  
Sylvannas: *mockingly* Oohhhhh, a CITADEL!  
  
Detheroc: Shut uuuuuuuuuup!  
  
Sylvannas: C'mon, you have GARITHOS as one of your minions! Look at you... You don't even have a Tichondrias portrait, you just have the default 'Demon Lord' model!  
  
Detheroc: *sniff* You're right... I am pathetic... Well, enjoy Warcraft 4 without me.  
  
Detheroc casts 'Doom' on himself, dies, and becomes a Doom Guard, that promptly dispels itself.  
  
---  
  
Meanwhile, in Northrend...  
  
Arthas: I'm having another vision of the Lich King!  
  
Undead Extra: What is it?  
  
Arthas: They are running out of liquor, and the Lich King wants me to bring some! There is definately a liquor stash somewhere around here..  
  
Blood Elf: Hahahaha! You dumb Undead, we Blood Elves have stolen all the beer!  
  
Arthas: Wow.... Ok, what's the gag?  
  
Blood Elf: What?  
  
Arthas: Look at you, you're a dragonhawk rider. You barely even tickle peons with your ground attack.  
  
Blood Elf: So? You can't attack air!  
  
Arthas: Oh, come on. Do you even know who I am? Do you know how many Elves I've killed over the years? Look at you, you don't even have a name tag. You don't stand a chance! Why don't you just lay down?  
  
Blood Elf: Arrgh, alright. *lands and lays down*  
  
Arthas: ...Still going to kill you though.  
  
Before the Dragonhawk Rider could scream, his head was seperated from his body by the cleansing power of Frostmourne.  
  
Anub'Arak: Hey, I was supposed to kill him!  
  
Arthas: Who are you?  
  
Anub'Arak: I'm Jim Raynor, and I'm the Marshal of these here parts.  
  
Arthas: No you aren't!  
  
Anub'Arak: Yes I am!  
  
Arthas takes out a Lie Detector and smirks.  
  
Anub'Arak: Really, I am! *buzz*  
  
Arthas: The buzz means you're lying.  
  
Anub'Arak: Ok, so I'm not really the Marshal. *beep* But I'm Raynor! *buzz* Ok, so I'm Anub'Arak *beep* and I run the Old Kingdom *buzz* Used too *buzz* Never did *beep*.   
  
Arthas: Whatever. What do you want?  
  
Anub'Arak: I'm here to take you to the Lich King's party. *buzz* To take you through the Old Kingdom to the Lich King's party. *buzz* I was never invited to the Lich King's party *beep*.  
  
Arthas: Arrgh, alright. If you take us to the Old Kingdom before the Blood Elves get there to crash the party, you can party with us.  
  
Anub'Arak: Sigh, alright.... I don't deserve this. *buzz*  
  
---  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Balnazzar: Hmm, that fool Detheroc may have been destroyed by a simple security flaw in his citadel, but my citadel is built to last!  
  
Acolyte: *sneezes*  
  
A whole section of the Citadel's wall collaspes.  
  
Balnazzar: That's the last time I pay the Iraqi Republican Guard to build me a defensive structure.  
  
Garithos: (walks in through the open section) A fine Citadel you got here, Balnazzar. Mind if I crash here for a bit?  
  
Balnazzar: Yes I do.  
  
Garithos: Well, I didn't want to do this... Ok, I did. ATTACK, HUMAN FORCES!  
  
Garithos is immediately trambled by a stamede of knights, and then ran over by a few steam engines. Sylvannas and Varimathras emerge from behind them, being sure to walk on Garithos's trambled body as they approached Balnazzar.  
  
Balnazzar: Well, my role in the Warcraft storyline sure went as fast as it came.  
  
Sylvannas: Your 15 minutes are up, recycled-model using plot device. Varimathras, as a final test of your loyalty, kill him.  
  
Varimathras: But he is a fellow Dreadlord!  
  
Sylvannas: Varimathras, let me tell you a little story. One time, there were these three bears. And these three bears decided to go for a walk. While the bears were out on their walk, a little blonde girl came into their house, ate their pouridge, sat in their chairs, and slept in their beds. The bears saw all this when they came home, and they saw the little girl sleeping in their beds. And the little girl woke up, got scared, and ran away.  
  
Varimathras: Are you saying the little blonde girl is, me?  
  
Sylvannas: When are you going to face YOUR three bears, Varimathras?  
  
Varimathras: (inside his head) Your three bears.... Balnazzar....  
  
Varimathras kills Balnazzar. Garithos then walks up to them.  
  
Garithos: Good job, now get out of my city.  
  
Sylvannas: Garithos, let me tell you a little story. One time, there was a legacy about a Mafia boss, who got shot, and his son rose to power, became a the new boss, and killed the shooter's own bosses. Then the new boss went to Las Vegas and built up a gambling empire. Cuba went through a revolution, the boss survived a senate hearing, and more people died. But then, nearly 20 years later, someone had the bright idea of making some jumbled 3rd part, about religion and corporate empires, and it degraded the very name of the series.  
  
Garithos: (remembering) Godfather 3.... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *explodes*  
  
Sylvannas: That was simple enough.  
  
Varimathras: What do we do now?  
  
Sylvannas: We are the forgotten.  
  
Varimathras: What did we forget?  
  
Kerrigan: An original storyline.  
  
Kerrigan's Zerg broods promptly slaughtered them all.  
  
THE END!  
  
Arthas: Hey! Wait a minute!  
  
---  
  
Near the Old Kingdom...  
  
Arthas: Alright, so all we need to do is go through the Old Kingdom, and we'll have beaten Illidan's forces to the party?  
  
Anub'Arak: Yes.  
  
Dwarves: Not if we can help it!  
  
Arthas: Arrgh, doesn't anyone stay dead?  
  
Archimonde with a Palette Swap (Kil'Jaeden): No.  
  
Ner'Zhul: Nope.  
  
Medivh: No way!  
  
Kel'Thuzad: Sort of.  
  
Alek Trevlin: No, James.  
  
Dwarves: Whatever, time to avenge Muradin!  
  
The Dwarves fire their rifles, which light nearby explosive kegs, and they explode, killing everyone.  
  
THE END!  
  
Arthas: Hey! Wait a minute!  
  
Arthas, Anub'Arak, and their forces are unscathed.  
  
Anub'Arak: Let's go to the Old Kingdom.  
  
Arthas: Hurray!  
  
Arthas and Anub'Arak go into the Old Kingdom. They debate where they should go first, but decide on 'Faceless Ones of the Carribean'. After that, they tour 'Nerubian Mountain'. They then head over to "It's A Small Icecrown". Finally, they finish off the day with "The Haunted Goldmine". Arthas kept his hands on his eyes all through that one!  
  
Arthas: That was fun, but now we're running late!  
  
Anub'Arak: Don't worry, we'll take the "Mourn-a-Rail" to Icecrown. Hehe... I just said "Porno".  
  
Arthas: For someone who is destined to get their head eaten by a female after having sex, you sure are perverted!  
  
Anub'Arak: ...I hate my life...*buzz* Ok, I only hate sex. *buzz* With females *beep*  
  
---  
  
On the Icecrown glacier...  
  
Illidan: Yes! Soon, the Lich King will pay for not inviting me to his party!  
  
Kael: But Sillidan, the reason he didn't invite you was because you tried to attack Northrend with-  
  
Illidan: SILENCE!  
  
At that same time..  
  
Anub'Arak: Arthas, to open the Frozen Throne chamber, you have to activate 4 bongs.  
  
Arthas: Alright, but it will take me some time to go through the tree, take out any seeds and whatnot, and pack it. You'll need to guard me.  
  
Illidan: Not so fast, Arthas! I have come to- (Illidan gets stabbed in the face with Frostmourne)  
  
Arthas: Hahaha! Too easy!  
  
Illidan: Arrgh, I'm blind! You bastard, you blinded me!  
  
Arthas: Uhh, you already WERE blind!  
  
Illidan blindly stumbles toward Arthas. Arthas slashes Illidan across the stomach. Illidan dies.  
  
Arthas: Well, at least he's gone.  
  
Illidan: (revived at altar) Damn, looks like we'll have to take a more direct approach...  
  
Illidan and his forces run screaming from the Icecrown glacier, while Arthas activates the four bongs. The Frozen Throne chamber creeks open. Party music, shouting, and dancing can be heard from inside, as Anub'Arak and Arthas walk in.  
  
---  
  
Later...  
  
Arthas, Ner'Zhul, and Kel'Thuzad are playing poker, while scantly-dressed drunk Undead women hang all over them.  
  
Arthas: Three Acolytes! Read em and weep!  
  
Ner'Zhul: Oh really? ROYAL FLESH! HAHAHA!  
  
Arthas: Noooooooooooo!  
  
Ner'Zhul: Give it up, Arthas!  
  
Arthas: Aww, alright. *gives Frostmourne to Ner'Zhul*  
  
Ner'Zhul: Hahaha! Wait...  
  
Arthas: ACK!  
  
Arthas and Ner'Zhul the Lich King suddenly merge.  
  
New Lich King: Now... WE ARE ONE!  
  
Kel'Thuzad: I guess this means I lose.  
  
Anub'Arak: (slurring) Whasshhh did yoo jush call me!? (takes a swing at Kel'Thuzad, misses, and falls over unconscious)  
  
Everyone: Oh that crazy Arachnid! (laughs)  
  
THE END!  
  
OR IS IT?  
  
---   
  
BONUS CAMPAIGN!  
  
Rexxar: Hey, Thrall. I'm a half-orc half-orge protagonist. Do you want me to help?  
  
Thrall: Uhh yeah... Something outside.. Needs a bunch of... Doing something...  
  
Rexxar: Alright.  
  
Rexxar goes outside and gets mauled by a zillion creeps.  
  
Thrall: Ahahaha! Oh man, I crack me up. 


End file.
